I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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