i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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