Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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