youre lurking in front of me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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