If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
