My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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