the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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