OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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