Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
