My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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