I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't deserve a penis
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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