so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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