the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she woke up with a sticky ear
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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