but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
