Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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