I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
