Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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