He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
