3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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