Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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