So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm both gender and math confused
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
