Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
