The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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