I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
