I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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