Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
