We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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