I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize