me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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