i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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