Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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