Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize