It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
