She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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