guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
