get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
