Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
