I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
ttyl tear gas
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
