my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
