you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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