there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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