it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize