burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
