your thong is hanging out like whoa
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
