I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
