you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Randomize
