Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize