Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
