WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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