That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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