Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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