:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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