My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize