how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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