the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
