What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
