would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
