Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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