my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
