dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
