omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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