im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
