are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
