ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
