he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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