Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize