Me too!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
