The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
