I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
