sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
