More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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