Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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