What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
