That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
