You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
