ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
