also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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