So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
