When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Quick, to the slutcave!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
