I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
