im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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