he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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