My entire life is one complicated drinking game
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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