Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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