That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
