dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
