your parents love me but you hate me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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