I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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