I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize