Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
