honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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