I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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