That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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