We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
