wrigley field is MILF paradise
so explain again why im purple
no
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I need to calm my uterus...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
