Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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