So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
