cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
