Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
