It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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